๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค
3ๆ27ๆฅใใใใฎๆฏใไบกใใชใใพใใ。3ๅนด้、้่ณชๆง่บ็ใจใใ้ฃ็ ใ็ฝนใฃใฆใใฆใใพใใ。
ๆฌๅฝใซใใใใฏๆฏใซๅผทใๅฝฑ้ฟใๅใใฆ่ฒใฃใใจๆใใฎใงใ。
ใใ ใใฎๆฐๅนด้ใฏใใใช่ชๅใ็ใฃใฆ、ใฉใใ่ชๅใไฟกใใใใฆใใชใใใใชๆ่ฆใซใชใฃใฆใใใฎใง、ๆฏใซๅฏใๆทปใฃใฆ้ใใใใจใใงใใฆใใชใใฃใๆฒใใๆ้ใใใใพใใ。
ใ ใใฉ、ๅ ๆใฎใใญใฐใงใๆธใใใฆ้ ใใใใใซ、ใใใใใๆๅพใฎๆฉไผใซใชใใฎใงใฏใจ่จใๆใงใ、ๆฏใฏๆใใ่ชๅใฎใใใใฎ่ถณๅ ใใใณใใณใจใใใ、「ใใชใใใใซๅฏใฆใใชใใใ」ใจๆฌๆฐใง่จใฃใฆใใฆ็ใง็ฌใฃใฆใใใใจใ、ๆฏใจ่ฉฑใใจๆฉใฟใๆฉใฟใงใชใใชใใใใชๆ่ฆใๆใ่ฟใใจ、ๅบไผใใฆๆฌๅฝใซ่ฏใใฃใใจๆใใๅคงไบใชไบบใง、ใชใซใใใ็ฌ็นใชๆๆ ใๅธธใซไธใใฆใใใฆใใใจๆใใพใ。
ๅ ฅ้ขใใฆใใพใใจๆๆใพใงไผใใชใ็ถๆณใฎไธญ、็ตๆซๅป็ๆฝ่จญใฏๅซใ ใ、็ถใจๅงใจ็ธ่ซใใฆใชใใจใๅฎถใงๆฏใจ้ใใใใใ、่จชๅ็่ญทใงๅปๅธซใใๅฎถใซๆฅใฆใใใใจใใๅฝขใงๆๅพใ้ใใไบใซใชใฃใฆใใใฎใงใใ、ใใใใใใใซใจใฃใฆใฏใจใฃใฆใ้ฃใใ็ต้จใงใใ。
3ๆ13ๆฅ、ๅงใ็บ็ฑใ、็ถไธไบบใ ใจใฎ้ฃ็ตกใใใ、ใๅฎถใธๆปใไบใซ。ใใใใใฎ11ๆฅ้、ๆฏใจ้ใใใๆ้ใฏ、่ตคใกใใใ1ๆฅ1ๆฅๆ้ทใๅงฟใๅคใใใฎใจใฏใพใ้ใๆ้ใฎ้ใใง、1ๆฅใใใฃใจใใ้ใฎใใใงๅคไธญใ็ฎใ้ขใใชใใฎใง、1ๆฅใฎ้ทใใ3ๅใใใใซๆใใฆใใพใใ。
ๅปไธใๆญฉใใฎใใพใพใชใใ、ใซใใฅใผใฌใจใใ้ผปใใ้ ธ็ด ใๅธๅ ฅใใๅจๅ ทใจใใฅใผใใจๆ ผ้ใใฆ้ ธ็ด ใฎๆฐๅคใไธใใใชใใ、ๅปไธใๆญฉใใ่ท้ขใๆฅใซๆฅใซ็ธฎใพใ、้ฃๅใพใงใๆญฉใใใใชใใชใฃใฆ、ใใใใใ่ใไธใใใฎใๅซใซใชใฃใฆใจ็ญใๆ้ใงๅพใ ใซ、ใงใใฆใใใใจใ้ฃใใใชใฃใฆใใฆ、ๆฌๅฝใซ่พใใใ ใใใชใฃใฆ。
ใใฌใใงใฏๆๆชใชๆฆไบใฎใใฅใผในใๆตใใฆใใฆ、ๅคไธญใซๅฐ้ใฎ้ๅ ฑใ。ๆฏใฏๆฏใๅธใใชใใชใฃใฆ่กใ。ใใใใฏ่ก่ใๆฌๅฝใซใกใใกใใๅใฃใใ、่ชฟๅพใใฆใใชใใใจใณใใจใณใฎใใขใใงใๅผพใใฆใฟใฆใฃใฆ่จใใฎใง้ๅนณ็ณใฎ่ธใใๅผพใใใใใฆ่พใใๅใใใใใจใใชใใๆขใใฆใใพใใ。ไฝๅใซใใชใฃใใใใชใใขใใฎ้ณใฏๆฌๅฝใซ่ดใใใใจใฎใชใ้ณใใใฆใใพใใ。
My mother passed away on March 27. She had been suffering from an incurable disease called interstitial pneumonia for three years.
I really think that my mother had a strong influence on me growing up. However, during the past few years, I doubted myself and felt as if I could not trust myself, so there was a sad period when I was not able to spend time with my mother. However, as I wrote in my blog last month, even when I thought this would be the last time I would see her face, she would cheerfully pat the foot of her bed and say, "You should sleep here," and we would all laugh. I think the feeling of being a very important person that I am truly lucky to have met, and most of all, I think she always gave me a unique kind of love.
I was not able to see her if she was hospitalized, also she didn’t want to go to a neighborhood terminal care facility, so I talked with my father and older sister about how we could spend time with her at home, and she was going to spend her last days with home nursing and a doctor coming to our house, which was a very difficult experience for me.
There were more people coming in and out of home than I had expected, and the home nursing was not at all what I had expected.
On March 13, my father was alone and informed me that my older sister had a fever and , so I decided to return home. 11 days I spent with my mother after that the length of the day was three times as long usually like the baby was growing but differently, and changing day by day and the day seemed to fly by so fast that you couldn't take my eyes off them even during the night.
She couldn't even walk down the hallway, she had to struggle with the cannula (a device to breathe oxygen through the nose) and the tube to see if the oxygen level would drop, the distance she could walk down the hallway was shrinking day by day, she didn't want to walk to the dining table, she didn't want to put her legs down from the bed, and gradually, in a short time, the things she used to be able to do became difficult to do. It was getting harder and harder, and it should be really painful.
The worst news of the war was on TV, and there was a news report of an earthquake in the middle of the night. My mother can't take a breath anymore. I was looking for something to ease her pain, like cutting grapes into really tiny pieces or playing “Dance of sugar fairy” on the piano, which was out of tune. The sound of the piano, which seemed to be multiplied many times over, was really something I had never heard before.
Thank you so much for looking through this.
I hope you are well♡
Sakiyo
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